Friday, December 10, 2010

McCormick & Scmick's - A Tragedy in Three Parts

*Act I: The Promise*

The stage is set. A banquet room at McCormick & Scmick's for a party of 50. The light is low. The wine is plentiful. What could possibly go wrong?

Dave: Pardon me waiter, I have a severe dairy allergy and it is imperative that all of my food be prepared without the use of milk, butter or cheese. Which entree would you recommend for such an issue?

Waiter: Why sir, we here at McCormick & Schmick's are respectful of our clients' particular dietary needs and prepare all of our food to order. It would be our pleasure to accommodate your dietary restriction.

Dave: Thank you for your understanding. I'll have the salmon but will pass on the dessert as the options presented do not meet my needs.

Waiter: No client of mine will go without dessert on a such a lovely evening. Could I interest you in a bowl of fresh fruit?

Dave: How kind of you to offer. That would be delightful. Thank you again for being so mindful of my condition

Waiter: It is my honor to serve you.

*Act II: The Betrayal*

Waiter: Sir, I humbly present your dairy free entree. I took the liberty of removing the potatoes and adding some additional fresh vegetables as all of our potatoes are made with butter in advance.

Dave: Your dedication to my health and happiness is second to none. I am so overwhelmed by your thoughtfulness that I intend to write a melodic song about you. People around the world will dance to this song and sing your praises.

Waiter: You are too kind sir.

Entree: Look at me, I'm a delicious filet of salmon served on a wooden plank. You may be interested to know that we are served on planks because fish come from trees.

Dave: I do believe I will partake.

Entree: I've got a secret. An evil secret. Eat up lactard, your night has just begun.

Dave: Entree, you are so succulent. You are perhaps a bit too tasty but I know I needn't worry. I am well cared for at this dining establishment.

Entree: Wuuuaaahhhhaaaaaa

*Act III: Hiroshima*

We find that our hero has retired to his hotel for the evening. Business travel can be quite taxing you know.

Dave: OH MY GOD!!! THIS IS AWFUL!!! THE GUY FROM ALIENS HAD IT EASY!!! THE WAITER LIED TO ME AND NOW I AM SCREAMING SO THAT ALL MAY HEAR ME IN THIS TIME OF SUFFERING!!!

The theater lights dim and the audience is left staring into the blackness. The faint sound of a grown man weeping is all that can be heard as the curtains close

The End