Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Bring Your Hoff to Work Day

Every once in a while I wonder if I I’m married to a crazy person and then something happens to confirm that I most certainly am. I was looking through some pictures on the laptop the other day and stumbled across a few photos of The Little Italian sharing time with another man. Most husbands would find this scenario to be quite upsetting but upon close inspection of the photos I knew I had nothing to worry about. I did not find a scandalous pictorial filled with images unsuitable for work as many readers might have expected. Instead I found that The Little Italian had kidnapped my two dimensional German friend and taken him to work for the day.

For the past year or so my wife has been working for Crossfit Eternal. One would expect that because of my deep appreciation for Crossfit that I might have joined her there on multiple occasions to share in a workout or simply kibitz with friends. That is what most people would think. Yeah, but no. My fierce loyalty to my own gym, and a desperate lack of free time have led me to neglect this important marital bonding opportunity. Apparently The Little Italian thought that if I wasn’t going to join her there she would take The Hoff instead. This was either a ploy to make me jealous or maybe just a desperate cry for help. You decide.

After a day at the box this is what she left me…

Apparently they attempted some combination of overhead squats and box jumps. Box jumps prove to be very difficult for The Hoff. He is mounted on a stick after all. You try jumping on one rigid, wooden leg and see what happens. As for the squats? Forget it. Splinters. That’s all I can say. Horrible, horrible splinters.

From box jumps and squats the intrepid couple moved over to the pull up bar. I don’t know what you see when you look at this picture but all I see is The Hoff. Do you see something else in this picture? I think that makes you a racist.

Although I’m sure the pull up bar was fun, the rope climb is where my two-dimensional friend really stood out. His power to weight ratio is quite impressive. He easily won the rope climb race pictured above. The Hoff has skills.

What was the best part of the day? Well, The Hoff loves ladies. Here we see him casually observing two lovely young women as they enjoy a good stretch. I’m sure it was only a matter of time before he managed to charm the two gym-goers. Poor girls. They didn’t stand a chance. How could any woman resist a man with a perm like that. Hot with a capital O.

Inspired by this employer based Hofftastic adventure I have decided to bring him to my office next week. Every good BD guy needs a wingman. This is going to be sweet….