Sunday, February 13, 2011

Five Weeks of Racing..........in Haiku

For the past five weeks I have been fully engrossed with Charlotte Mountain Bike Winter Short Track Series. After a long break from the blog it seemed that a fairly brief but not too technical summary of these events was in order. Performing an interpretive dance was the best way I could think of to do that. Sadly, that idea was far better in my head than it was in my living room. Perhaps there was a bit too much pelvic gyration but after watching the video with a critic's eye it became clear that it was not fit for public consumption. At least not here. I'm giving some consideration to making it available on dvd for $19.99 but I'm concerned who my audience may be. Very concerned.

In a moment of desperation I made the difficult decision to scrap my original plan and fall back on the ancient asian art form of Haiku. 17 total syllables to describe each race was a serious challenge for a long winded chap like me. But I did it. I didn't do it well, mind you. But I did do it. Turn the lights down low, put on your favorite pajamas and peruse the following poorly composed poems. For those of you reading this early in the morning I have only one small favor to ask. Please don't go to work in your PJs. Your boss just won't understand.



Mud from head to toe
Racers sliding to and fro
Sloppy like the joe



Short track number two
I've got a sweet fake tatoo
Five percent faster!



Flying the Beast flag
My teammate keeps chasing me
I wish he'd slow down



Superbowl Sunday
Only monsters raced today
My legs are so sore



My lungs are on fire
Shit, Dicky lapped me again
At least I'm taller

And there you have it folks, five sub-par poems that will amuse only a select few. Perhaps if you get really drunk and read them again you will find them more entertaining. May I suggest a fine whiskey or perhaps a dark locally brewed beer. If you're really in a bind, a little Natty Light washed down with a bottle of cough syrup should do nicely. God speed.